


Thick Thighs Save Lives

by mileskaane



Category: British Comedy RPF, Just Puddings (Web Series), Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster (Podcast)
Genre: Dry Humping, Established Relationship, Frottage, M/M, Making Out, thicc, thigh fucking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-27 01:15:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21383674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mileskaane/pseuds/mileskaane
Summary: Ed has thick thighs.  James likes his thighs.
Relationships: James Acaster/Ed Gamble
Kudos: 43





	Thick Thighs Save Lives

**Author's Note:**

> damn boi he THICC
> 
> tumblr: @mangostv  
twitter: @tofumuse

As they lazily made out on a rainy afternoon and rare day off, Ed made the sudden swift decision to clamber on top of James and grabbed his arms, pinning him down in a satisfying way that made the other man blush.

“Stronger than you.” Ed stated. James hated to admit it, but it was quite obviously true. It was also turning him on. He became distracted by Ed’s thighs at either side of his rib cage.

“You could snap me in half with your thighs right now.” he breathed. Ed laughed but James hadn’t even been joking, hyper aware of the slight squeezing of the tattooed and muscular thighs on either side of his gangly body. The heat of Ed’s body burned through James’s thin shirt. He’d somehow remained fully clothed whilst Ed was only in his boxers.

It was at this point that Ed realised James wasn’t joking around with him and a brief glance behind him confirmed that James was actually fully hard right now. Raising an eyebrow at the blushing man beneath him, Ed gave a second long hard squeeze of his thighs. The breath was completely knocked out of James and he actually let out a small moan and squeezed his eyes shut, face immediately flushing pink as soon as it happened.

“What do you like? Is it the..being crushed?” Ed asked tentatively. James’s eyes snapped open.

“No! God. No, I- I just really like your thighs.”

“Oh thank god. I mean, I’d not judge if you were into that but um. I’m not.”

“I don’t want you to crush me, Ed.”

“Okay!!” He held out his hands in defence then nearly toppled forwards on top of James, the other man grabbing his hips to steady him. Their faces were right in front of each other. “Hi.” 

“Are you doing this on bloody purpose?” James asked, trying to sound disapproving but unable to keep the smile off his face. Ed’s answer was to lean forward and kiss him again, moaning into the kiss and thrusting against James’s bulge. His hands grasped James’s shirt, bunching it up in his fists and being rougher with it than James would usually prefer but didn’t notice when so preoccupied with Ed’s tongue slipping into his mouth. They lay there dry humping and filthily making out, getting more and more worked up until Ed finally broke the kiss, falling forward even further and whimpering into James’s ear.

“Mm, fuck my thighs, James.” Ed keened into James’s neck, still bucking his hips against the other mans. James groaned in response, head falling back onto the pillow, feeling overwhelmed. Even though Ed was the one asking to be fucked, he was still very much the dominant force here, James’s arousal turning him into some sort of horny putty.

“O-okay” he finally stuttered before he found himself being yanked up off the bed where he stood on wobbly jelly legs.

“Okay so; doggy style or do you want me to lie on my back with my legs together?” Ed asked so casually, it was like they were talking about something as mundane as where to eat for dinner. James’s brain was nothing but horny mush, only imagining each of these scenarios instead of providing his mouth with an answer for Ed.

“Uh.” he eventually said.

Ed rolled his eyes but grinned a second later, shimmying off his boxers and falling backwards onto the bed, holding his legs together upright.

James couldn’t move. His brain felt like when a program stops responding on a computer and it asks if you want to wait or forcibly close the program, only in this case it was stare open-mouthed at Ed forever or run out of the room. 

“Get the lube, James,” Ed said softly, his own cheeks pink now. He was pretty exposed, James able to see _everything_ from the way he was holding his legs up. This command seemed to finally get the gears in his mind to start up, and he gave a small nod and a blink, rooting through the nightstand for the cherry lube.

“Oh no, don’t get the scented one, my legs will stink!”

“But it’s delicious?”

“You’re fucking me, not eating me.”

“Well, we’ll see where the night takes us.” James said, surprising both Ed and himself with his boldness. Perhaps he _would_ eat out Ed after this.

He squeezed a big messy puddle of the lube into his free hand before instantly regretting his decision and wishing he’d squirted it straight on to Ed’s legs. In an effort not to spill any, he quickly splatted his hand on Ed’s closest thigh and sent globules of lube dribbling down his ass. Ed gave him a look.

“Sorry.” he mumbled. Trying to stay in the moment, James slowly slid his lubed up hand through Ed’s legs and spread it around. Ed shivered slightly despite how un-sexy it was.

“It’s cold but it’s feels nice.” he explained, chewing on his bottom lip.

“T-think that should be enough.” James said, voice quiet as he anticipated what was about to actually happen. The cherry smell was a bit overwhelming but he couldn’t bring himself to care too much at that moment. He’d completely ignored his own body up until this moment, suddenly becoming incredibly aware of how constricting his trousers were.

In perhaps record time, James got undressed and drizzled a tiny bit more lube on his cock. He held back a moan as he stroked himself to get an even coating, his cock having been neglected for far too long. Stepping up to Ed, he grabbed each thigh and slid his cock in between them.

They both moaned at the same time.

“Shit. It looks so weird from this angle yet it’s...really sexy.” Ed said, breathing already sounding laboured. James’s legs wobbled and he held onto Ed’s thighs for dear life.

“Trying not to cum already.” he said through gritted teeth. “Why are your thighs so hot?”

Ed held back laughter at James sounding actually distressed by his thick thighs.

“Thick thighs save lives, James.”

How was James even supposed to respond to that? The absurdity of it coming out of Ed’s mouth distracted him enough for a second that the imminent feeling that he was about to blow his load after one thrust teetered away. He let out a deep breath and began slowly moving.

Ed let his head fall back and enjoyed it. Obviously, he wasn’t deriving pleasure from the act itself but watching a flustered James Acaster holding onto his thighs for dear life as his cock drove its way through them? That was a gorgeous sight. Delicious, in fact. His own cock was leaking as he watched James, drooling precum all over his belly. He was desperate to cum but wanted to hold on just a little longer. 

“I hate how close I am already!” James sounded so strained, sweat trickling from his forehead and his knuckles white from how hard they were gripping Ed’s thighs. Neither of them said it out loud but they hoped for some fingerprint shaped bruises to be there in the morning. They’d look so pretty framing Ed’s tattoos.

“I want you to cum.” Ed said, making James whine. “Cover me, cover my tattoos. Cum on my own dick, it’s feeling neglected.”

“Ed, please.” James gasped, his movements erratic, legs so wobbly he thought he might fall before he came.

“Come on, James. Let go.” 

With that, James let out a wail, shakily falling forwards and cumming hard through Ed’s thighs. Ed gasped, feeling the pulsing of James’s cock so clearly with his thighs as it painted his stomach. As James still shuddered through his orgasm, Ed reached down and started frantically jerking himself off, hitting his peak just as James came down from his. He called out the other man's name as his legs shook with the intensity of his orgasm, tender and sensitive from being both used and held up for so long.

“Fuck me.” He eventually whispered, completely breathless,

“Think I just did.” Came the mumbled reply, James’s face smooshed into Ed’s sweaty chest.

“I need to clean myself up a bit,” Ed grimaced, becoming more aware of the various fluids and sticky substances covering his body as the aftershocks of his orgasm faded away. 

“I’d love to help but I’m afraid my legs are out of order for the remainder of the day.” James replied, rolling off Ed and lying on his back, eyes closed.

“I’m going cleaning this spunk off,” Ed said, slowly getting out of bed. “But I expect the earlier offer of ‘eating me’ at some point today”

“Christ.”

“I’ll keep the cherry lube out.”


End file.
